Change is easy!

It’s really easy to change things about our life, right? We make a decision to change, do some new things, stop doing some old things and voila!, we’ve changed.

It’s why quitting smoking is so easy…

How so many people effortlessly get to and maintain a healthy weight…

Personal relationships are so harmonious…

People are absolutely in their perfect job with a glorious career path ahead of them…

If you can’t tell my tongue is well and truly in my cheek, let me make it clear:

Change is simple to understand, but it’s very hard to do.

Why is that?

While there are many reasons, the main thing to know is that change fails because we spend a lot of time, effort, energy and focus on the before

(deciding to change)

and after

(change is completed)

but tend to skip over the messy middle

(do some things)

where it’s so easy to slip off track and begin telling a story that sounds a lot like

I’m one of those people who can’t… [you fill in the blank]

But, I’ll let you in on a little secret, you don’t have to be one of those people.

Do some things

You’re not alone.

In fact, the research is really clear on this, the less you’re alone while you change, the more likely it is to happen, so SHARE your commitments and achievements along the way.

Make it real

Chunk your change down to daily practices, ideally that help you respond to legacy triggers

(like what to do when your colleague offers you a sweet treat on “Donut Friday”)

And, if you want to really amp things, put some stakes on NOT living up to your commitments – donating $5 to an obnoxious charity at the end of any incomplete week will soon shift your perspective.

Keep track

There is a single, most powerful question you can ask:

“Did I do the thing yesterday?”

Celebrate

(sharing, remember?!)

the win and, if you didn’t, understanding why and not making the slip the story.

After all, each day is a new opportunity; put simply, doing something every day is where the change happens.

But, even with that said, we can’t completely ignore the before and after.

Deciding to change

We’ve all been there: New Year’s resolutions, Dry Januaries, Summer Bikinis, and on, and on…

Fresh starts always make us feel great about our chances of finally making the change stick.

However what’s less clear is that when we do so much wishing at the start, part of our brain thinks we’ve already done it. Not only that, but we’re also attaching our desired identity to the absence of something

(think: “I want to lose weight” – the only way to judge progress is via the rear view mirror)

So, the most important thing in deciding to change is to identify what you want to be present in your future self

(think: “I will become someone who eats healthily, exercises appropriately and has energy to do the enjoyable things in life”)

and then – this is really important – move to what’s in the way and what you will do about it

(i.e. DO SOME THINGS!)

Wishing for the future never moves the present, and a plan is never enough to solve all resistances.

Change is a lived experience, we DO change more than we ARE change.

Said differently, “Decide To Change” should quickly morph to “What’s in my way? And what will I do?”

Change is complete

This is perhaps the biggest lie sold by the self-help industry, with every 5, 7, 10-step program offering the promise of “just do this and you’ll be done forever!”

I call BS on that. Spoiler alert:

Change is NEVER complete

Instead, let’s frame change as movement towards a better, next self, as defined by the SPO framework

(this is fully captured in The Destination within The Way Through The Mountains)

Strengths – What you’re built to do naturally and have grown really good at doing

Purpose – Why you do what you do and what’s driving you to do what you do

Opportunity – What change do you want to make in the world by doing what you do

With these three factors forming a North Star, you’re able to consistently move towards your better, next self.

Change is simple

This is true but, as we’ve seen, there is a trick to making it sticky.

I help people do that.

When you’re ready to go deeper, or if you simply need someone to share your progress with, our First Session is where we see how that might work, without the pressure of selling, sign-up or one-size-fits-all solutions. All you have to do is grab a time that works for you.

It’s OK if you’re not ready to talk – just promise me that, until we do, you won’t let your change drift

(we all do it, no matter how much we think otherwise)

The simplest way to do that is to focus on what you are going to do every day, consistently.

Then track whether you did it.

And tell somebody you did it.

Will you slip? Sure. But that’s not the story of who you are.

You’re the person who sees the obstacles, works out what to do differently, and then does it

(and tells someone about it!)

Then, when you’re ready, I’m here.