You know what’s been on my mind this past day or two?
Shoes.
Or, more accurately, shoe-sizes.
Like most everyone in the world, I didn’t buy my own shoes when I was a kid
[and yes, I know not everyone shares the same experience, but bear with me]
In fact, I was probably fifteen or so before I actually used my own money to buy my own shoes. At that stage I would have been, I think, a UK size-9.
Fast forward to my early 20s, out of university, starting my “officially adult” life. And I was a size-10 – what I considered my adult size, even when the UK started to use EU-standardized measurements, I was a size-10.
A little over a decade later, we moved to the US and, lo-and-behold, the sizes were different by 1
[let me hear you say “2 cultures separated by a common language!”]
But that was easy to fix: in the US, I was a size-11.
Done. I bought, and wore, all manner of shoes.
Trainers/Sneakers.
Football boots/Soccer cleats.
DMs/Doctor Marten Boots
And the list goes on… And on…
Until about 5 years ago.
When I bought a pair of shoes online and had the wrong size delivered.
Never one to enjoy the fuss of return shipping, I thought I’d try them on to see if I could make it work
[possibly with the aid of extra-fluffy socks]
Guess what?
Yeah. They fit. Perfectly. In regulation socks.
A size-12 (US) shoe fit both my feet with the most amazing comfort.
Which, if you know anything about me by now, got me thinking.
I dragged out every pair of shoes I still had and tried them on – from the most recent to the oldest…
And they were ALL too small for my feet.
So they were all uncomfortable.
Not only that, but that was how shoes had ALWAYS felt to me. That was the experience of wearing a shoe: varying degrees of discomfort.
Even allowing for age-related chubbing, for my whole adult life, I’d been wearing shoes on the small-side for my feet…
And putting up with the discomfort.
I started wearing size-12 (US) shoes, and my feet have never looked back.
Oh, and my legs don’t ache as much.
Nor does my lower back.
And I can walk much further without suffering the next day.
And I don’t feel like I’m getting premature symptoms of gout any longer.
Can you tell this has been on my mind?
I wrote about it a little in On shapes, and the shaping earlier this week.
In my shoe-size, I see a pattern generated in early-adulthood, soon cast in stone, that lasted for over 20 years…
… a pattern that physically hurt me…
… a pattern that was shifted in a moment, thanks to a fortunate mishap!
And my shoe-size is emblematic of a wider awakening.
Mine was not a traumatic childhood, nor my life overall, but the shapes that I have allowed to hurt me throughout adulthood began in my early teens, and were largely in place by my early twenties.
Thankfully, I have benefited from multiple fortunate mishaps across my life, and have thrown off most of the ridiculous shapes in which I have constrained myself at one time or the other.
Sure they sometimes try and come back… But here’s the thing…
Why would I wear shoes that hurt me?
And even if I did choose to wear them for a special event
[consider it fancy dress]
I’d for sure know that I wouldn’t be wearing them forever.
So, my friends, what ridiculous shape did you start wearing? And when did you start wearing it?
Vincent Tuckwood is a coach, consultant and founder of View Beyond LLC – he enjoys helping people get their own problems out of the way so that they can move forward