I have to admit it: I am a junkie for progress.
There’s just something about the journey of growth and transformation, seeing someone face what was once impossible, move through it, over it, around it and out the other side. It’s why quest stories, and especially those based around redemption, can hook me so deeply.
Through my coaching, I help people:
- Overcome any challenge
- Conquer any obstacle
- Break free of all limitations
Now, if that were easy to do, then I wouldn’t have any clients! The truth is that we all get stuck. And we all have a natural inclination to stay stuck, even if our “stuckness”
[“stuckicity”? “stuckitude”? Made-up words are cool]
is painful, or even damaging to us in the longer-term. Human beings know how to suffer, and keep suffering.
Think about it for a moment: somewhere in your life you feel stuck. Finance? Location? Relationship? Career? Choosing TV channels?
Somewhere, you are stuck. Somewhere, you are stuckesque
Well, when it comes to your progress, I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news. And they’re one and the same.
Here’s the bad news.
The biggest obstacle to your progress is… YOU!
Overweight? You aren’t eating healthily.
Unfit? You aren’t working out effectively.
Lonely in a marriage? You’re choosing a relationship that amounts to self-abuse.
Lost in career desperation? You’re going back to work every day.
And the list goes on. Admitting these things hurts – and it’s possible that you experienced a little twinge reading one of the above. The reason is simple: one of our greatest fears is that we will fail, that we are not enough for the challenges we face.
Here are just three ways
[there are many, many more]
in which we become our own obstacle.
We give ourselves a label
I don’t know if it’s just my social media networks, but it seems like many, many people these days are self-diagnosing with OCD (“My OCD can’t handle this pattern of tiles in this bathroom!”), ADD (“My ADD makes it hard to focus on reading this whole thing!”), Cleanliness Compulsion (“Had to clean my fridge yet again!”), etc.
Now, don’t get me wrong, people living with the symptoms of a diagnosed behavioral disorder have many, many challenges to overcome. But the difference between a person who thinks their fridge is dirty and another who is washing their hands so many times that they’re rubbing the skin raw, is quite different.
One such label that seems to be getting play at the moment: Introvert. This is often ascribed to Myers-Briggs Type Inventory
[which is just as often completely misunderstood and misused]
and used as an excuse/explanation for not doing the hard work to improve relationships. As in:
“I’m an introvert, therefore I can’t relate to other people”
Well now, isn’t that a convenient excuse to stay stuck? And, by the way, it completely is NOT what Introvert means, especially when it comes to MBTI!
We blame other people
The moment we offload our stuckness on other people, we effectively surrender to our own desire to stay stuck.
No-one is telling you to eat more food.
No-one is telling you not to go for a run.
No-one is telling you to continue working for an asshole boss.
No-one but you, that is.
Of course, there are circumstances that involve other people; loyalties you have, accountabilities you owe. But the moment you focus completely on the other end of the transaction, you effectively let go of any and all responsibility to fix things. You tell yourself you are not enough, and that you deserve to be the victim.
And guess what, you’ll be a victim. And you will deserve it.
We put it off for another day
When we persuade ourselves that we’re not ready, that we’re preparing for an inevitable showdown, we’re actually giving ourselves permission to continue surviving in the stuck.
At any level of emotional honesty, we know that we’ll continue to persuade ourselves that we’re not ready, that the mystical day of reckoning will come but (to quote Aragorn from Lord Of The Rings) this is not that day!
The good news – you’re just one decision away!
I said there was good news, and there is:
You’re only ever one decision away from removing an obstacle
That’s the beauty of recognizing we are our own biggest barrier to progress: we can choose not to do that. Doesn’t mean it’s always easy, especially when the habits of stuckness have been repeated and reinforced over years.
But it can be done, and that’s where I come in. Whether it’s identifying the behavior, breaking the pattern, building the new pattern, or even just having the balls to point out a relapse, I’ll do whatever’s necessary to help my clients get out of their own way. I offer:
- My creativity when you’re out of ideas
- My strength when your energy flags
- My resolve when the path gets rough
- My humour when things look bleak
- My love when you feel lost and alone